Shock and Awe for $4

By BNICK
Appreciated Press writer

Wisconsin (AP) -- After months of failed efforts, the BNick household dealt a decisive blow to the squirrels who were eating too much expensive birdfood. The cost of the action is estimated to be in the $3.90 - $4.00 range.

BNick took action after intelligence revealed the squirrels' plan to develop weapons of mass consumption.

"Something had to be done," said BNick, who looks more like your next door neighbor than a maniacle squirrel-foiler. "Their nervous body language and their beady eyes made it clear that they were up to something big."

Previous attempts to stop the squirrel offensive were weak and ineffective. BNick located the feeders in places where he had hoped the squirrels couldn't reach. When he finally built a tray feeder and mounted it on a metal pole without a baffle (admittedly trying to save money), he was surprised at the ease with which the squirrels still reached the food. He admits that he underestimated them. "They use unfair tactics, so it's difficult to fight against them," BNick complained. "Their fuzzy, round bodies make it difficult to decipher whether they are enemies or not."

BNick tolerated several days of vexation before launching the "shock and awe" campaign. One day, after seeing yet another squirrel smugly eating atop the tray feeder, he took action. The result was a baffle comprised of less than $4 worth of parts. BNick is happily sharing his plans with the world because he believes it's the right thing to do: "The war on birdfood pilfering is a global war. We all need to do our part for the sake of future generations."

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The Plans
Ok, here you go. The baffle is actually quite modest. I didn't like the traditional dome-shaped or cone-shaped baffles; I just think they're too ugly. I liked the concept of the cylindrical baffle, but with prices up to $28, I figured I could go cheaper. The parts could cost you under $4; it depends on what you have on hand.

Parts:

• Dryer vent pipe: 4" diameter, 24" length. ($3)
• 7 cable ties. Size isn't critical, but the ones I used were 4"-5" long.
• (3) 6" lengths of wire. Should be heavy enough gauge to hold its shape. An old wire coat hanger would work too, if you're able to cut through it.
• 4"x4" piece of 1/2" galvanized hardware cloth

Steps:
(See the pictures below to supplement these steps. In fact, the concept is fairly simple, so you may just want to wing it like I did once you see the picture.)

• Bend the 3 pieces of wire into an elongated "s" shape as indicated in the picture on the right. These are the "hangers" for the vent pipe.
• You'll put one cable tie around the pole, but you need three "rings" dangling from it. I made these rings out of cable ties; use whatever you want. Now strap the cable tie around the pole. You may want to put some weatherproof padding between the cable tie and the pole; without it, the baffle may slide down the pole.
• Drill 3 equally-spaced holes around the perimeter of the vent pipe, near the top. 1/8" bit should be fine; the holes just need to accommodate your wire hangers.
• Using your wire "hangers" to hang the vent pipe from the 3 rings you made. The vent pipe should dangle somewhat.
• Cut a hole in the middle of your hardware cloth piece so it fits over the pole. This is the top of your vent pipe. Secure it to the vent pipe however you see fit; I drilled a few more holes in the vent pipe and used more cable ties to secure it.